and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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