you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
