3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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