Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
