So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
