I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
