I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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