its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
