So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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