there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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