i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
