I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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