i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
