just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you didnt know i had herpes?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
