you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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