My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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