apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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