i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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