dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
