Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
