Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We need to rekindle our bromance
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
