i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
