im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
