Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
