last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
