dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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