You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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