I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
