She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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