my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have post one night stand depression
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