JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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