theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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