I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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