i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
