ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
