just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
