I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
