During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A bitchslap is in order.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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