my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
