Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
