I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
