he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
