Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
