he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
