i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
