it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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