My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
