We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
