No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
