Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
