dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
