Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize