is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
