I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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