So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
