return my video game
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
