please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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