he wants to bone in the snuggie
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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