would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
