I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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