I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
