i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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