he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
