Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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