I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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