Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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