His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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