That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
