you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
