Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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