Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize