using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Alive.
So much puke
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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